Direktlänk till inlägg 31 oktober 2009

Happy Halloween... A Swedish Halloween!

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Av MW in Sweden - 31 oktober 2009 09:42

Happy Halloween... A Swedish Halloween!

Hope you will have a safe and Happy Halloween!!

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With Halloween upon us, it is worthwhile to remember a few simple rules to help

keep this season healthy, happy and SAFE! Please use these helpful hints this

and every year!!!

1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's

really dead.

2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

3. Do not sear! ch the basement, especially if the power has gone out.

4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they

should not know, SHOOT them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief

in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them,

so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.

5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go alone.

6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

7. Never stand in, on, o! r above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to

any other house of the dead as well.

8. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out

that it's just the cat, GET THE HELL OUT!

9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short

circuits; just get out.

10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.

11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good

reason for it. Don't stop and look around.

12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you

know what you're doing.

13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down

at least twice, more if you are female. Also note that, despite the

fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along,

it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior

such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness,

and so on, kill them immediately.

15. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed

here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nil bog (you're in trouble if you

recognize this one), anywhere in Texas where chainsaws are sold, the Bermuda

Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby

deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange you ran

out of gas because you thought you had most of a tank, shoot yourself instead.

You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.

17. Beware of strangers bearing tools. For example: chainsaws, staple guns,

hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches,

soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased companions.

18. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move

in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who

went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants

who performed satanic practices.

19. Dress appropriately. When investigating a noise downstairs in an old house,

women should not wear a flimsy negligee. And carry a flashlight, not a candle.

20. Do not mention the names of demons around open flames, as these can

flare suddenly. Be especially careful of fireplaces in this regard.

21. Do not go looking for witches in the Maryland countryside.

22. If you're a virgin, STAY THAT WAY! Suddenly deciding to have sex

is a certain death warrant.

23. Girls, for God's sake, WEAR BRAS!! Especially under tight, whit!

e t-shirts while running through the rain.

24. And those high heels...are they really necessary with jeans, shorts,

negligees...you get the picture. Wearing them will certainly guarantee

you'll need to run away from the bad guy/monster and one will break

and then you'll be left hobbling along.

25. If you're babysitting alone and there's either a call or a knock on the

door at midnight, you're dead, no need to run or scream.

Hope you will have a safe and Happy Halloween!!

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