Jokes of the day with my extremely funny picture

I worked for a while at a Wal-Mart store, selling sporting goods.

As an employee of Wal-Mart you are sometimes required to

make store-wide pages, e.g., "I have a customer in hardware

who needs assistance at the paint counter."

One night a tentative female voice came over the intercom

system with the following message:

"I have a customer by the balls in toys who needs assistance."

---

A little boy comes in from school and asks if he can take

his dog,

Molly for a walk.

"You can't, dear, Molly's in heat." said the mother.

"What's heat, Momma?" asked the boy.

"Your Dad's out in the garage. You better go ask him." said

Momma.

"Hey Daddy, I want to take Molly for a walk, but Momma

says I can't cause she's in heat. What's heat?"

Well, the Dad was cleaning some tools in some gasoline. He took

a rag, dipped it in the gasoline and rubbed it all over Molly's rear

end. "Don't worry about it, son. This will fix her." With that the

boy took Molly for the walk.

About twenty minutes later he returned without the dog. "Where's

Molly, son?" the Dad asked. "She ran out of gas about two blocks

away, daddy," answered the boy, but don't worry, one of the

neighbor's dogs is pushing her home."

---

New Love Stories from Paris - France

New Love Stories from Paris - France

New Love Stories from Paris - France

I love You!

---

New Love Stories from Paris - France

New Love Stories from Paris - France

New Love Stories from Paris - France

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Le mariage de lisa The Best Marriage Ever

Funny Jokes

The madam opened the brothel door to see an elderly Russian man standing there. His clothes were all disheveled and he looked needy.

"Can I help you?" the madam asked.

"I want Natalie," the old man replied.

"Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone

else..."

"No, I must see Natalie."

Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that she

charges $1,000 per visit. The man never blinked and reached into

his pocket and handed her $1000 bills. The two went up to a room

for an hour whereupon the man calmly left.

The next night he appeared again demanding Natalie. Natalie

explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row

and that there were no discounts... it was still $1,000.

Again the old man took out the money, the two went up to the

room and he calmly left an hour later.

When he showed up the third consecutive night, no one could

believe it. Again he handed Natalie the money and up to the room

they went. At the end of the hour Natalie questioned the old man:

"No one has ever used my services three nights in a row... where

are you from?"

The old man replied, "I am from Minsk."

"Really?" replied Natalie, "I have a sister who lives there."

"Yes, I know," said the old man. "She gave me $3,000 to give to you!!

---

Le mariage de lisa The Best Marriage Ever

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Comme j'ai toujours envie d'aimer...

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Jokes 24/24

A man was sitting in a bar, on one side of him sat an Emu, the other

a Cat. He ordered a round of drinks for the three of them and paid

the bartender. The bartender brought their drinks and the three

sat in silence drinking.

A short while later the bartender came back and asked if they

would like another round, the Cat indicated yes and the bartender

poured another round and moved towards the cat for payment.

The Cat turned his head away and ignored the bartender, so the

man reached into his pocket and took out money and paid the

bartender.

After a while the bartender returned, asking if they would like

another drink. This time the Emu indicated yes, and another round

was poured, the Emu placed the money on the bar and the

three continued drinking.

This continued all night, each time it came to the Cat, the Cat

continued to turn it's head and ignore the bartender when payment

was required.

Finally, with the man in tears, cryng harder each time it was the Cat's

turn, the bartender, unable to contain his curiosity any longer asked

the man what the situation was - he'd been in the bar all night

drinking with an Emu and a Cat, and each time it was the Cat's

turn, it turned away, yet the Emu paid up with no problems.

"Well", says the man "I found this lamp washed up on the beach, as I

was rubbing it clean, a genie appeared and granted me a wish. I

thought long and hard, then wished for a chick with long legs and

a tight pussy."

---

It's just too hot to wear clothes today," said Jack as he stepped out

of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would

think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money." she replied.

---

---<--{(@   Comme j'ai toujours envie d'aimer  ---<--{(@

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Je donnerais toute ma vie, pour qu´il m´aime une nuit...

A horny young man went to a brothel...The lady at the counter

asked him what his choice would be. The man wanted to know

what was available..

Lady - "On the first floor, we have the ex-models... they are all

slinky and sexy... On the second floor, we have our ex-actresses...

they are all buxom and beautiful... On the third floor, we have

our ex-teachers....they..."

Man - "Say no more! Lead me to the third floor !"

Lady- "Are you sure... I'm surprised that you would prefer ex-teachers

to ex-models and ex-actresses..."

Man- "It's obvious, ma'am... teachers always make you do a thing

over and over again... until you're perfect at it !!"

---

Three very religious rabbis in black with long beards were playing

golf.

A guy named Mulhaney wanted to play golf and this was the

only threesome in which he could play. So he joins the rabbis

and plays 18 holes.

At the end of the game his score is 104. The rabbis shot 69, 70

and 71. He says to them, "How come you all play such good golf?"

The lead rabbi said, "When you live a religious life, join and attend

temple, you are rewarded."

Mulhaney loves golf and figures, what do I have to lose. So he finds

a temple close to his home, attends twice a week, converts, joins

and lives a holy life.

About a year later he again plays golf with the three rabbis. He

shoots a 104 and they shoot a 69, 70, 71. He says to them, "Okay,

I joined a temple, live a religious life and I'm still shooting lousy.

The lead rabbi said to him, "What temple did you join?"

He said, "Beth Shalom."

The rabbi retorted, "Schmuck! That one's for tennis!"

---

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand

in a trial--a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and

asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr.Williams. I've known

you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a

big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you

manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You

think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize

you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper

pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed

across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the

defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he

was a youngster, too. I used to babysit him for his parents. And

he,too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted,

he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship

with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the

entire state. Yes, I know him."

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called

both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with

menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be in jail

for contempt within 5 minutes!"

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Je donnerais toute ma vie, pour qu´il m´aime une nuit...

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Mon Amour la plus belle chanson du monde

Jokes of the day

Discovering too late that a watermelon spiked with vodka had

accidentally been served to a luncheon meeting of local ministers,

the restaurant's owner waited nervously for the clerics' reaction.

"Quick, man," he whispered to the waiter, "what did they say?"

"Nothing," replied the waiter. "They were all too busy slipping

the seeds into their pockets."

---

There was this world famous painter. In the prime of her career,

she started losing her eyesight. Fearful that she might lose her

life as a painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the

world.

After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight

was restored.

The painter was so grateful that she decided to show her gratitude

by repainting the doctor's office. Part of her work included painting

a gigantic eye on one wall. When she had finished her work, she

held a press conference to unveil her latest work of art at the

doctor's office.

During the press conference, one reporter noticed the eye on

the wall, and asked the doctor, "What was your first reaction

upon seeing your newly painted office, especially that large

eye on the wall?"

"I said to myself 'Thank God I'm not a proctologist.'

---

Mon Amour la plus belle chanson du monde...

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